Capture.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

yokatta ne.glad

just ytd, i really didnt wanna go school. first, it was the identity crisis, second, twas the unfamiliarity. somehow i was behavin like some brat. still, i dragged my bigfatass to school. i was late for psycho today cos i couldnt find the blady stockings. i swear i rmb still left with one stockin but somehow i couldnt find it! grr~!
psycho turned out great cos i actually talked to ppl other than fiona, my prev jap classmate. there was this only ONE guy in our grp so whn we 'shoot' the guys he was the only one gettin it but he was damn cool with it. my first impression of him was like err.. lembih. hahaa! but he totally impressed me with his actions and all i cant put it to words i guess. he just makes me think, 'mm.. guys dont necessarily hafta impress with their outlooks but their personality.' we were doin the topic on teenage pregnancy, it rocked! it ended up bein a lil sexual. i ended up presentin. gosh, i think my reputation in tp's slowly goin dwnhill man. hahaa! anyhow it wont be worse than my cj one. in cj i'm like half a man alr. hoho. i cant rmb what i said but twas sth that makes them think dirty straight, i think? cos apparently only stupid ryun kiat (my prev socio classmate, he's a KOH too! ppl with the surname koh just cant help bein hot =X hoho.) laughed out damn sudden, i cant rmb what i said but the tutor busted him after that sayin sth like you ppl are so close-minded, talk abt sex only laugh -.- i think my tutor is psychotic, thats why she teaches psycho. she freaks the shit out of me sometimes, make that everytime. i am startin to enjoy psycho tho =))
shining lent me her aunt's. hahaa! it's damn gd quality cos it didnt run and i gotta admit i was DAMN rough cos i was ~~kinda~~ in a big rush.. bse turned out great. damn it man, none and i mean NONE of my tutors are 'clean', esp the hospi related tutors. i think my psycho tutor hasnt cracked a dirty joke yet, has she? but she is not hospi related. anw, my bse tutor a female cracked a pretty gd dirty joke, at least twas what i thot, that rocked man. hahaha! i kinda like her, lets hope i enjoy this whole module, babe!
the whole bse was like some porn lesson cos my class kinda started open up. more like adel and jerome were damn horrible but enjoyable in some sort cos at least got ppl understand and can crack dirty jokes and get the hints! i kinda started loud talkin a lil. the funny one i rmbed was adel was sayin like she wants a hard, cant rmb hard what cos before that i was sayin i was soft or some crap. then she said she wanted a hard one, so i told her if she wants hard one, i'm afraid she might needa go to jerome (he was sittin beside adel, i still think he is gay). HAHAA! basically the dirty ppl were like ADEL, JEROME, JIAYU, denise and mayb, just mayb only, me? hahaa! ppl restrain ok?! hahaa! i think if i really unleash will scare them! HAHAA! the best part! evn shining is gettin it! hahaaa! i love that girl, she is SO cute! hahaa! ok, after talkin so much i think i might as well post some pics of these ppl. adel is like totally known, who doesnt knoe that ~~noisybitch~~ =X prettymama hahaa!

pics on train:

jiayu and denise [i love her tongue piercin!]
jerome and me
candid me [by dee]
actcute me [by dee]
candid jerome [by dee]
jerome's gay pose [by dee]
scary jiayu! [by dee]

pics on cab:

me and jerome
the three of us on cab
jerome and his gay face again

was supposed to take more with dee but we ended up talkin all the way back to tp so no pics after that. i didnt post all the pics, there are too many to post all up!

after bse we went to meet potato and b at the bistro (OH, my psychotutor said she used to have 'potato' students, meanin there just sit there dont move, dont react kind and i thot of potato IMMEDIATELY. it sounds kinda like her. hahaa!) yeah, thgs happened there, makaned and evrybod had to leave for class and only me and pearl was left. we kinda talked alot of graduations and the likes. we both wanted to cry. hoho. anw sorry man, i think i blabbered on abt my jdrama =X BUT, you totally ditched me after that! PIG!
luckily, pops was ard. i was nearly left alone with ykp, scary yo. so after that i kinda went ard with pops to find his classmates, which included pete. so pops did some probin abt pete's 'background' as in the proj attitude all and he fed me with some gossip, that guy's a female in male's disguise man! hahaa! pops is the weirdest guy but nth new we have lots in tp. hahaa! still, he was REALLY nice today! he actually helped me carry my shoebag and uniform cover! surprisin! usually pops will just kill me or such. hahaa! why is everybod sddnly becomin so nice?! BUT I AM NOT COMPLAININ! i love how everythg is now. evrybod nice and i love evrybod, sweeeeet love~ i love thgs like that =))
then while roamin ard we kinda ran into adel and kster who just ended their basic e. lucky i didnt have to meet up with pops' classmates cos i was damn afraid it'd be awkward. hahaa! i was just lamentin how even pops is nice now to adel and k. so i was like, "alvin kang.." the nxt thg i knew, he was in a hurry to tell me, "i become bad alr" (see the link? i said pops become gd alr, so k knew i was gon ask him to carry , my stuff, thus his reply!) gosh, i love the telepathic convos between friends!
i went to change after that and sth sweet HAPPENED! i was damn happy! it's the kinda moments whr you just go, "ah~, yokatta na.." (like wow, thats great..) cos i saw k and adel sittin and chattin happily! how sweet is that?! that was like the highlight of the day! i was really so happy i just stood there and watch =DD after that whn b joined, twas like war. let the pics do the talkin man..

the fightin scenes:

val's powerful punch
kster's "retaliation" [more like defence]
kster's terrorised face
the 'mom' and the abused 'son'
battle scar
tp design stu infront of the 'pyramid'
in front of i-dont-knoe-what

i love how we are now, it is like the beginnin.. how we shud have started if all our emotions had not come into the picture and spoil the friendships. evrythg's just so comfy and so great. it is those rare moments whr the smile just comes from within, whn your friends exudes genki and makes you feel lively too!

i mean the new ppl i met are all unlike the o3s. denise is like consider 'old' ppl alr. hahaa! she's nasty but mature at the same time, i am actually kinda respectin her for how she sets her limits. i found out that she is a social too, so got khaki alr. hoho. jiayu is MAD but her body damn hot i love how she can get others to like her easily. jerome IS gay. hahaa! i mean we knoe it is an act but still different, he bothers to be gentlemanly, and damn open (shud see him and adel, killer duo). if adel hadnt said so i sure wont knoe he is from st. pat. sp just reminds me of nick pat and brenny. oh yahh! now that i talked abt it he is brenny's junior. but it is not difficult to note his english influence just that he looked nbh =X
but k and pops are still my favs! cos they help me with my stuffs! hahaa!=DD of cos val is love! i mean, ppl like FATlove, nigger, b and mayb even adel. i mean ppl who've heard my non-stop grumbles, you are impt! fl, i didnt forget you la =)) nigger, thanks for alws REALLY being just a phonecall/msg away! b, thanks for keepin me sane. adel, for evn stayin with me in o2.
there are too many pics to caption but lets just say, they are all my favourite ppl, ppl i really love! other than my berlinies of cos.

we've grown, so has our friendships. the only constant is the changes but by changin tgd, we remain by each others' sides, appreciatin one another more each day

me and b was talkin and we have classmates who are like damn open like take photos they dare to hold our waist and blah.. and k got the impression macam b like to be touch. tsk! i think what she meant was like cos they dare to 'play' then we also can push the limits. it's like how you face a player we'l wanna push our own limits and play along with them, see who's more open. thats pure fun! hoho. also cos of these ppl i can like totally be myself, like just make alot of noise. hahaa! o2girls are kinda like showin girls' school behaviours alr cos the guys are pretty open and they wont like comment on how unglam we are, they just play along. i like their openness but i still miss ppl like ann and k! the feel is just different. dies.

let evrythg remain like this. let us go back to before, to the times whn our friendships blossomed. if our emotions had not got in the way, is this how thgs shud have been? i love how evrythg is but am i bein too close? i dont want to be too close and suffer the impact. i just wanna watch from afar and smile from the bottom of my heart. if thats the price for our friendships, i will do it. i dont want thgs to change..

Labels: favourites, grumbles, new ppl, o2, o3, old loves

capture that feel
8:56 PM

Monday, April 28, 2008

touch-me-not

i am in a stupid bad state, bad mood, bad weather and many probs pilin themselves up. at this moment i am actually glad i have babyt. as in the reason i wanted to have it was to stretch my limit, to have an achievement of sort to tell myself that i am strong enough for it. it's the thg thats keepin me goin do far, sadly. it's what's stoppin me from succumbin to temptation, there are times whn i just tink, heck, just pull it out. it sounds damn sick but it is real. however, thinkin of the pain, no thanks. hoho.
stupid kster kept askin how come i did that but i just couldnt mouth the words, i did it to feel more secure, sounds stupid uh. cos somehow it makes me feel whole, as if somebod, somethg's holdin on to me, somethg close, real and a part of me.
sometimes i wish i could be like akira, innocent or single-minded enough to believe that if he buried hurtful stuff, it'l make it go away or disappear, whatever you call that. i loved the character while watchin the show cos i think it takes hell lot to do that, to be the person he is. i cant help thinkin, he could have been the smartest among them all but choose to let go. that itself takes alot. some stuffs, we really dont have to bring it up.. i mean instead of havin the whole world bein unhappy, how bout just one person keep her damn blady mouth shut and let everythg go, what gd will it do bringin it aboveboard? no prize lei.

ok, my blog's damn borin now cos there are no pics! will post soon, with my baby cuz too.. i am too tired from ssm today

Labels: akira, complete, the use of it

capture that feel
11:58 PM

Thursday, April 24, 2008

ii.. ja nai yo

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HWAY!!!

the day started pretty well with my apel, i finally gotta see my new class. it consists of 23 ppl and only four guys. i dont knoe anybod well except for shining and pearl, so lets just hope evrythg works out well..

it was funny today how we went 'visitin' for val and kster's ssm. their class has quite a lot of guys compared to my grp's. sian... hahaa! they were doin their tray trainin, or whatever you call that. i think ssm is totally fun and apparently evrybod thot so too, except pops mayb. it is like a repeat of cs times, i think i said this before.

after waitin for the rest of them, we headed dwn to expo. there, me and denise managed to get the passes from the tutors to let us in. yeah~! after that we split. it was me, b, kster and potato. meow joined us awhile later. we kinda roamed ard and those pigs were searchin for food while i was too full to be eatin man. the whole thg was tirin, we drank a lil, ice-creamed alil, brochured alot, crapped alot, played alot, had fun alot. hoho! twas just great. we even saw daniel chia, mr goh and all the tutors basically. they were rootin for the tp yr3s who were havin some competition there. apparently they were doin really great, we could totally see the tutors beamin with pride! well, they deserved the respect and whatsoever. you can be a really great hotelier but that may not make you a great tutor. yet they produced sucha elite grp of ppl, bravo!

after that the grp of us chilled out a lil, rach and den joined us. it is amazin how easy girls can be enemies one moment and friends the nxt. i gotta admit i loved rach's humour, it is really that kind of egoistic comment you cant rebut.

after which we went to take bus but somehow it was left with the trio. gosh! the way kster ran for the bus was CLASSIC! me and b HAD to stop to laugh, we cudnt even continue runnin.. somehow he was just in a super gd mood and self-motivated highness the whole day but we are not complainin man cos we were totally havin a great time! =DD we watched harold and kumar after that. kinda no storyline too but the jokes were kinda gd but some parts, i just didnt have to see them. i love kumar's essay, twas simply beautiful, i shall try to find it and like post it cos i LOVE it!
after which we hung out even moreeee.... hehee! but today was fun, fun, FUN! たのしかったね! i dont knoe what to say anymore but yep, mayb it's a gd thg we are in different class now? cos we are havin so much more fun :)))

i was happily slpin on the way home and kor's msg woke me up and i couldnt slp anymore. many thgs started comin back, esp my past. one reason i'm not really lookin forward to datin now's ( somehow me and b's been talkin alot of datin these days and it alws ends up wither bein extreme, extremely hilariously or.. extremely.. extreme? lol.) cos i really think there wont be any guy capable of sharin the burden of my past with me. the best i can think of is, he prolly has similar experience but that'd also mean i dont want a person like that, that is how contradictin it is. it is like how bush cited to kumar when kumar asked bush why did he ban weeds whn he himself loves it? bush's reply was of utmost intelligence, at least thats what i thot.
he said sth like this to kumar, "well, do you like givin a handjob?" obviously kumar said no.
and he asked again, "then, do you like bein given a handjob?" to this, kumar replied yes.
sometimes, it is just as simple as this. human, we are weird and because of this, i am so lookin forward to psycho classes. the last was great..

well, back to my kor side, i really dont wanna screw it for him, it's his 21st after all. it might be one of his harder birthdays. i mean he has enough friends to last him for the night but it's gon be hard cos quite a few of us gon be absent from it. with bro, pei, kerr all in aussieland and me havin this kinda crap. it's gon feel imperfect and that really is the last thg i want.. kor's like really family and havin to skip this REALLY sucks..

endin with a song:

why must one tear open a healin wound just to tell,
of the existence of the scar, the hurt, the pain, the trauma?
cant turn back time but cant decide if twas right.
the past just keeps returnin,
how does one go abt movin on
if all you find is your own footprints
goin ard in circles amidst the scrutinizin world.
lettin tears wash dwn the wound,
is it a cure or a torture?

whats on her mind as she walks aimlessly
the rain and tears washin dwn her pretty face
with those lifeless eyes what sights does she take in
are they tryin to send out distress signals
or have they been filled entirely.. with emptiness
revenge keeps her flame of life burnin
but at the same time it is eatin her away

she needs a helpin hand
but she cant reach out
she doesnt cry nomore
tears just flow
like it is the most natural thg
she doesnt evn notice
until all's too late
she has to go thru this
it's part of growin up
she thinks
mayb some day it'd change
but what if it doesnt..

Labels: class, enjoyable day, excerpts, fha, happy birthday hway, harold and kumar

capture that feel
10:56 PM

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

second day of school

well, lets see.. the day started off not bad. tho i left hse slightly later than i intended to but i was actually on time cos the traffic is totally smooth. somehow the journey to school these two days was faster than i expected thats why i was on time today.

anw yes, i got conned again but i dont knoe if you call that con whn you knoe the person 'connin' you is lyin. it doesnt matter does it? ahahaa! cos this guy came up and asked for a dollar sayin he lost his wallet and needed money to get back to hougang. i was readin my mag at that time and since i had my wallet on my hand i just took out a dollar for him. he asked for a dollar then he said two but i chose to ignore the two part. cos i really dont think he'd need 2bucks to get back to hougang from whr we were..

the best part was what happened after that.. these conmen love to give themselves away after they 'con' me. mayb hafiz was right to alws scream at me for believin them.
mayb somewhr deep inside i was hopin the stories they were tellin were real? i guess it really doesnt matter.. the thg is IF it is within my reach then i will help but if it's not i'l just walk off. i mean, the best gratitude they can show is not givin their lies away right IN my face and really believe that i am that dumb. i just choose to turn a blind eye towards their lies.. sometimes, i just feel so dumb..

oh anw, today we only went for the acct lect and the lecturer was.. BEYOND DESCRIPTION.. but i felt really bad afterwards whn evrybod just walk off whn he was tryin to do a summary on what he did today.. the lect felt fun cos i was like surrounded with familiarity, havin ppl i knoe for the past yr ard me, evn celine felt slightly, itsy bitsy bit less irritatin. hoho. it was not difficult to notice ppl all sittin with their prev classmates, twas really cute tho. evrybod was like in their small grps of 2s and 4s. we were the only weird ones, the 3s.hahaa! i just think grps of 3s are really rare. keep it up folks. hahaa! our whole row was like all ho3 ppl so i guess it felt great? hehehee!

some pics for the day, pics i refuse to send val just now cos i was too lazy..

first day of ssm] well, the baby hair werent as obvious in the pic but my hair still didnt pass that day and i look damn crappy, it just reminded me of my artistic gym comp. by sayin that, i meant to say i had really short hair then so get-ups like this wasnt needed. i sure look really different tho..

pics with b] these were the nicer pics we took today.. we didnt get to takin alot. the funny thg was, we spent so long waitin for the html meetin only to find out that we cant make it on fri -.- doofus!

anw i think most of you can stop readin from this point on cos whats gon happen after this is just paragraphs of me voicin my opinion and discussin some issues; which in any case, is of no concern for many of you. so pls kindly not pretend to behave like you care -.- hoho.

“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?” - Friedrich Nietzsche

i've been thinkin quite alot today and the only thg that stated stuck was what i was thinkin abt friendship and homosexuality.. i used to be uber anti-gays cos it gives me the creep and lesians are alws fine cos i am used to it i guess. however recently it is the TOTAL opposite! i cant stand lesbians and i'm ok with gays. ok, it's not like i see lesians and i get damn turned off by them but there is that slight "why like that" goin thru my head.. i gotta make myself clear tho, i cant really stand the niang gays too. i've alws been fine with guys who behave like norm guys and are gays, by all means.

hey, in this case my attitude towards gays hasnt change much. i am acceptive towards gays who do not show excessive niang-ness. for a moment i thot twas too much je influence, tho it's not gon sound too flatterin for them. still, i think their friendships are definetely enviable.

lesbians.. well, i guess evn back then i only approved lesbianism for the emotional part. it is definitely not difficult to knoe that a girl would understand another girl best, the emotions that we experience and our worst fear and all. yet, recently, i've been seein TOO many lesbian couples. with that i mean TOO MANY. i can like see TWO dozen just by strollin dwn orchard alone.. i am not exaggeratin. the worst part is, not only are the 'bungs', (i am tryin to be respectful here callin them 'bungs' tho i am damn tempted to address them as the low class creatures) idiots who are tryin to gain attention by being 'different', THEY ARE MF-ING SHORT! the reason why a girl would date another girl, a sane girl i mean, would definitely be she'd need a 'boyf' who is sensitive like a girl but physique almost like a guy? why would the girls wanna date some short fart who is tryin SO hard to act cool?! like, HELLO! dont be a 'bung' if you are short! and worst still, cos you totally cant make it as a girl and you think bein a bung is gon help you look better, whats more, thinkin that holdin a pretty girl nxt to you's gon make you look cool. omfg! kids these days!

with due respect to the real lesbians/gays, i really think it is nth wrong datin ppl of the same sex as long as you do not do anythg too disturbin to the public who might have no choice but to see your acts; in any case, evn to the heterosexual couples, you are NOT transparent if you do not realise, i think sometimes us, the public can do away with a lil less PDA, ESP UGLY COUPLES! omfg! imagine havin to endure an mrt ride sittin opposite TWO hideously UGLY FAT couples who makes sexual noises and touchin each others non-stop! ELLO! i'm not even gon ask you to get a room, get your asses back to your own rooms! gosh!

lets not digress cos of unsightly thgs, we shall only focus on the right issues. well, i just think one chooses how you want to love and if there are ppl who are really in love with the same sex and be lucky enough to have their love reciprocated, i really have no issue with that man. it's a personal choice. personally, i cant bear thinkin abt lesbian sex tho i cant totally imagine gay sex. hahaha! for me, heterosexual realationship, thanks cos i think i need more than emotional security. HAHAA!

on a lighter note, gosh, i really gotta admit that i am ~~old~~ more matured now, i am actually usin the FULL word lesbians instead of les like how i used to say.. half a decade ago? lol..

ok, last thg i wanted to talk abt friendships, gosh, i feel like i am writin essay. hmm, i just wanted to say that evrythg's so much easier whn you are just friends, no? it is a total different feelin and it is just great. cos being friends you can choose to be more irresponsible and choose to ignore another's feelin once in a while. thats all i gotta say. currently? now i am just kinda closin up again but as long as i think it is alright, what anybod say wont change my mind, unless you are that 'powerful'.

Labels: conmen, friendship, gays, lesbians, second day of school, ssm

capture that feel
11:17 PM