Name: Tuesday, April 22, 2008
second day of school
well, lets see.. the day started off not bad. tho i left hse slightly later than i intended to but i was actually on time cos the traffic is totally smooth. somehow the journey to school these two days was faster than i expected thats why i was on time today.anw yes, i got conned again but i dont knoe if you call that con whn you knoe the person 'connin' you is lyin. it doesnt matter does it? ahahaa! cos this guy came up and asked for a dollar sayin he lost his wallet and needed money to get back to hougang. i was readin my mag at that time and since i had my wallet on my hand i just took out a dollar for him. he asked for a dollar then he said two but i chose to ignore the two part. cos i really dont think he'd need 2bucks to get back to hougang from whr we were..
the best part was what happened after that.. these conmen love to give themselves away after they 'con' me. mayb hafiz was right to alws scream at me for believin them.
mayb somewhr deep inside i was hopin the stories they were tellin were real? i guess it really doesnt matter.. the thg is IF it is within my reach then i will help but if it's not i'l just walk off. i mean, the best gratitude they can show is not givin their lies away right IN my face and really believe that i am that dumb. i just choose to turn a blind eye towards their lies.. sometimes, i just feel so dumb..
oh anw, today we only went for the acct lect and the lecturer was.. BEYOND DESCRIPTION.. but i felt really bad afterwards whn evrybod just walk off whn he was tryin to do a summary on what he did today.. the lect felt fun cos i was like surrounded with familiarity, havin ppl i knoe for the past yr ard me, evn celine felt slightly, itsy bitsy bit less irritatin. hoho. it was not difficult to notice ppl all sittin with their prev classmates, twas really cute tho. evrybod was like in their small grps of 2s and 4s. we were the only weird ones, the 3s.hahaa! i just think grps of 3s are really rare. keep it up folks. hahaa! our whole row was like all ho3 ppl so i guess it felt great? hehehee!
some pics for the day, pics i refuse to send val just now cos i was too lazy..
anw i think most of you can stop readin from this point on cos whats gon happen after this is just paragraphs of me voicin my opinion and discussin some issues; which in any case, is of no concern for many of you. so pls kindly not pretend to behave like you care -.- hoho.
“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?” - Friedrich Nietzsche
i've been thinkin quite alot today and the only thg that stated stuck was what i was thinkin abt friendship and homosexuality.. i used to be uber anti-gays cos it gives me the creep and lesians are alws fine cos i am used to it i guess. however recently it is the TOTAL opposite! i cant stand lesbians and i'm ok with gays. ok, it's not like i see lesians and i get damn turned off by them but there is that slight "why like that" goin thru my head.. i gotta make myself clear tho, i cant really stand the niang gays too. i've alws been fine with guys who behave like norm guys and are gays, by all means.
hey, in this case my attitude towards gays hasnt change much. i am acceptive towards gays who do not show excessive niang-ness. for a moment i thot twas too much je influence, tho it's not gon sound too flatterin for them. still, i think their friendships are definetely enviable.
lesbians.. well, i guess evn back then i only approved lesbianism for the emotional part. it is definitely not difficult to knoe that a girl would understand another girl best, the emotions that we experience and our worst fear and all. yet, recently, i've been seein TOO many lesbian couples. with that i mean TOO MANY. i can like see TWO dozen just by strollin dwn orchard alone.. i am not exaggeratin. the worst part is, not only are the 'bungs', (i am tryin to be respectful here callin them 'bungs' tho i am damn tempted to address them as the low class creatures) idiots who are tryin to gain attention by being 'different', THEY ARE MF-ING SHORT! the reason why a girl would date another girl, a sane girl i mean, would definitely be she'd need a 'boyf' who is sensitive like a girl but physique almost like a guy? why would the girls wanna date some short fart who is tryin SO hard to act cool?! like, HELLO! dont be a 'bung' if you are short! and worst still, cos you totally cant make it as a girl and you think bein a bung is gon help you look better, whats more, thinkin that holdin a pretty girl nxt to you's gon make you look cool. omfg! kids these days!
with due respect to the real lesbians/gays, i really think it is nth wrong datin ppl of the same sex as long as you do not do anythg too disturbin to the public who might have no choice but to see your acts; in any case, evn to the heterosexual couples, you are NOT transparent if you do not realise, i think sometimes us, the public can do away with a lil less PDA, ESP UGLY COUPLES! omfg! imagine havin to endure an mrt ride sittin opposite TWO hideously UGLY FAT couples who makes sexual noises and touchin each others non-stop! ELLO! i'm not even gon ask you to get a room, get your asses back to your own rooms! gosh!
lets not digress cos of unsightly thgs, we shall only focus on the right issues. well, i just think one chooses how you want to love and if there are ppl who are really in love with the same sex and be lucky enough to have their love reciprocated, i really have no issue with that man. it's a personal choice. personally, i cant bear thinkin abt lesbian sex tho i cant totally imagine gay sex. hahaha! for me, heterosexual realationship, thanks cos i think i need more than emotional security. HAHAA!
on a lighter note, gosh, i really gotta admit that i am
ok, last thg i wanted to talk abt friendships, gosh, i feel like i am writin essay. hmm, i just wanted to say that evrythg's so much easier whn you are just friends, no? it is a total different feelin and it is just great. cos being friends you can choose to be more irresponsible and choose to ignore another's feelin once in a while. thats all i gotta say. currently? now i am just kinda closin up again but as long as i think it is alright, what anybod say wont change my mind, unless you are that 'powerful'.
Labels: conmen, friendship, gays, lesbians, second day of school, ssm
11:17 PM
Monday, April 21, 2008
big trouble!
alright, ssm really wasnt as bad.. i had no idea what i was so stressed abt. i guess i just didnt like others spoilin my mood but surprisingly i wasnt the very least affected. i gotta say whn mr goh suddenly shouted i was kinda shock, it's been long man, since somebod can raise their voice like this but fear found no space to squeeze into my puny brain cos it was too congested with image of the evil penguin cartoon. i really have no idea which character it is but well.. it was all that mattered durin the day.. i just gotta say i had fun, it was as if i went back to the cs trg days, durin the part time job trgs with ili and all. love! i just have a thg for fierce tchrs, as in i prefer havin fierce tchrs cos i am psycho enough to believe that the other side of them far surpasses their fierce side and i wanna be among those to experience it.today babyt was like 'kickin' the whole time and the warm weather really didnt help alot man.. i was so afraid that i was this close to miscarryin babyt. hahaa! still, i think it is the most beautiful thg in the world! hoho.
anw i cant seem to get out of the whole vid thg alr.. not that i am over watchin. in fact, i am not watchin them anymore! and this is the prob now! my life just seems to be crashin after that due to the many reasons, some i am so clear myself has to do with my own cowardice.. i guess i just cant be that simple a person, i am just me..
i just wanna experience either one of those feelins, even if it is just once. it is worth the pain later, serious. call me greedy, if i can let it last for 6mths, 3's fine too and i'd be able to live with memories of it. as much as it seems impossible, i am just happy thinkin of it alone :))
i really didnt wanna blog alot cos i was really not in the best of state but ironically it is in this kinda state that i open up the most; really sayin what i really feel, believe or think.. it started a few weeks back.. i knew it, i just knew it whn i cudnt put my feelins into words, cant put many thgs into words.. the familiarity of it scares me so much i decided to pretend to overlook it. i even went as far as avoidin certain dramas belivin that i just didnt feel like watchin them just yet. who am i kiddin man?!
still, nth feels as good as watchin a gd drama and really cryin over it. i kinda think if the drama was really gd and the actor's actin's damn gd, etc. aint those tears a form of appreciation shown for that piece? alright, go ahead, say it is dumb..
and before i knoe it, i was sobbin like the waterfall. i had no idea if i was really still watchin the drama, vision blurred and thots floatin far away. i just paused the drama and sat there cryin for the nxt 5mins.. cryin is a real tirin thg but it is evn mroe effective than retail therapy.. i questioned alot of thgs, i asked God many questions. why make me go thru this? why do i feel like i am alone? show me the light, show me that there really is a reason for evrythg that i am goin thru now.. i need to see hints of light at the end of the darkness. after awhile, i calmed dwn, i came to my own conclusions.
i am thinkin if i wanna take days off school to actually prepare myself mentally to mixin with ppl again.. i am too used to bein in my own comfort zone too much', i can be so relaxed at home, centre-partin hair, big tees and shorts only, swaggerin at home just cos i am too tired to walk properly. it feels as babyt's my only emotional support now, the sense of satisfaction and pride i have in bt's just magnificient but i'd better not get hooked. afterall, too many babies really isnt too healthy..
Labels: babyt, pride, ssm, waterfall
11:57 PM
SSM, new class
SSM! mothercow! i just feel like screamin, as much as i am lookin forward to it comin, i am gettin pissed off with it. wanted to blog quite abit but cant now cos i am engrossed in some really meaninful convo with dicks. shall continue tmr, or rather tonight.yes, new classmates, pls be nice to me. hahaha!
3:40 AM