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Saturday, December 08, 2007

past yr

one yr has past since i left cj. my life has changed dramatically.. i gain some, i lose some. however, i think what i lost was much more that i've gained. i lost some very impt friendships, ppl as close as family. it was basically cos of my just ignore attitude, i was not ready to give but am only waitin to take.. it was selfishness on my part. those bonds were formed cos we were alws able to be there for each other, yet i broke the bond by runnin away to hide. losin the courage to hear the words of truth from them. sure hope it is not too late to make up =))

i think it is time i stopped runnin away, draw a fine line between being alone and being irresponsible. decide for whom i shud be be there for and whom i shudnt, for whom i shud be behind of and whom i shudnt. no more shuttin off, it is very irresponsible of me to run away just because i dont wanna face up. it is time, to start being brave again, face the world, face the music, regardless of what is ahead.

i rmb very very long ago, the number 1 was my favourite number because being competitive then, i alws believed that nothing was impossible. just keep goin, keep pushin, the sky's the limit. (ok fine, i loved the number 9 also for some very stupid reason) my point is, there was a period i totally lost my competitive-ness. i had no will to fight on. actually until a few moments ago, i was still like that.

now, all i really want is to pick myself up and regain that determination. something i was really proud of before. i had wanted to become a sport psychologist until reality beat me in an easy feat and that is really the reason why i am here doin hospi. actually comin to think of it, my passion for sports had never dwindled, the urge to want to help friends max their limits was a joy. i rmbed how me and ewen would urge each other on for our x-ctry runs, that kinda mentality was the bomb. it is up to me to find the discipline, faith and adrenalin rush back now.
prolly the first thing i have to do now is to complete my dip and we can decide what we can do after this. to do sports psychology i really have to go overseas and i think i'd be too old by then. rahh!` hahaha! lets complete the first thg first, finish my tests! nobod'd believe that it is impt at the mention of it bein only a TEST -.-

i had intended to blog abt the SEA games soccer but now i really cant rmb much of it other than the fact that the thais actually mixed the local team players' names together with the msian team players' names. alright, i understand both teams comprises of many many malays and almost equal number of indians, if they even consider agu indian cos of the skin colour. lol.

i totally hate the msian, subramanium, how two letters can totally make a difference, subramani and subramanium. damn, you dont see mani bein so mean and nasty, he was a much cooler defender all solid. okok, back to the name mixed-up. well, cos of the mix up, baihakki was CHUN KENG HONG for a few moments and i really found it uber amusin =X

baihakki] well THIS is baihakki and not some whatever msian.. lol.

well, now singapore's against thailand next and i really dont like it yo. the previous incidents are still fresh in our minds and now we are facin them again.. if yall actually rmb, they once send our top custodian into a temporary coma with their violence. what was evn worse was they didnt have the guts to admit their mistake. the team apologised but the captain, the one who injured lionel lewis insisted that it wasnt intentional but the replay spoke for itself, really.

the second incident i'm sure most would have rmbed. they actually WALKED OUT on a game. players who dont respect the game DO NOT deserve to play the game. i am serious. i've alws believed that the basics of a sports person is to respect the rules of the game. physical offense in unavoidable, this i am guilty of as well but to walk out on a game, no no.. worse is the fact that the COACH was the one who instigated it. isnt a coach somebody mature enough to lead the team, he is the role model and usually the one who has been in the arena for the longest and this is what he has to return to the field?

basically i am just not cool with singapore havin to meet the thais again. especially whn they are the home team. whether the thai team is the same one the 'older' lions met previously, i am not sure but playin against the home team is really not fun at all. the respectable thg abt the lions' that they never let perceptions affect them, they fight on, thats the real mat spirit! hahaha! of cos there will still be some players who will play with their heads down but it is understandable with the pressure. yet, i'd really hope ALL the players will play with their heads up. after all, they are donnin on the SINGAPORE jersey yo.. of cos i'd be lookin forward to raddy's brilliant display of strategies =DD the difference he made to the local soccer cannot be missed. so i'm waitin yo!

Labels: changes in me, past yr, renew, restart, soccer, the bonds

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