Name: Monday, November 26, 2007
relieved
well, now that sep has explained to me what to do, my job seems simpler =)) i really love it whn sep comes over cos there is wireless and there is company whn i stay up late.i realised that i totally love company and i can involve others easily but there is no space for anybod in my world. maybe whn i am used to havin ppl ard, i might but once i am used to my own small world, i shut the world out. well, in a more indirect way. i wont show it obviously cos i hate the buggin if there shud be. i'd just wanna be left alone. there will be many thgs i wont voice out and i just look as if i accept but it doesnt really matter if i really do as long as i can be left alone in my own comfort zone.
all that crap abt hafiz being somebod in his own world. i dont seem to be any much better. i enjoy the privacy i get, my own private space and time. a line i draw to keep others away frm thgs i do not want to tell or share. i dont knoe if my friends actually knoe of this line but there are just times i dont want others near me, not evn toe-ing the line i drew to keep the world away. i used to be able to just randomly let others in but you cant stay long and you may not evn understand whats goin on in the world. now, i am just happy being the only resident of that tiny space. as long as it is just me agnst the world. hahaha! sounds wrong.
i seem totally chirpy, gay and whatever you call it. playful and unable to settle down but there are times i actually feel really tired and wanna take a break frm the world. i alws bluff myself that those are the thgs i have to do to survive, socialise and be part of the society but sometimes i really wonder if it is my lack of courage to be myself or it is just simply the truth. it hurts to be caught in that dilemma. rarhh!` sometimes i get so tired from these. yet evrythg is worth as long as i escape the watchful eyes of others. i really hate others carin abt my affairs cos my belief has alws been that there are no nice folks, anybod nice enough has a motive. there is no fairytale but only livin hell.
i wanna learn drums, i wanna learn guitars and maybe keyboard as well but all these really seem unlikely... i wanted to learn drums SINCE sec 4!!! like how many dinosaur yrs ago. fine, given up.
too much emokid crap! hahaha!
Labels: nonsensical junk, rambles
2:28 AM