Name: Saturday, October 06, 2007
thots
Sittin alone in the dark livin room at 528am in the morn. Honestly, I am at lost of what to do. Just sittin here in the morn because I have yet to have some shuteye. I feel like a pest, a rat. It is only after my family has went to bed or left for work before I’d sneak out to do whatever I’d like to. To many others I may be like a social buttfly but as I grow over the years, I realized that there is nothing more that I desire for than the personal time alone. I cannot deny that I love the company of others but it is the time alone that I treasure so much. This may be because it is very minimal. I am no longer denyin the fact that I love spending the time alone. Just you, yourself, sittin in a quiet corner. Just thinkin to yourself, ‘talkin’ to yourself inside your head, no pressure, no stress, how blissful. More often than not, many of us are so afraid to be alone, without company. Because we are afraid of other’s looks or are we just too afraid to face ourselves? I learnt to appreciate the beauty of hidin frm the crowd, finding a corner and sittin there alone, enjoyin the breeze, deep in thots. It doesn’t matter evn if you were just thinkin abt nonsense, the feelin’s just great.Ever tried wantin to give it your all to do something for the person whom you cherish, without askin for any return? What is the feelin like? Satisfaction? Happiness? I guess I have. The feelin of happiness just seeps thru you, the greatest feelin. On top of the looking forward to the person’s expression, perfect.
Like I’ve said before, for a scorpion, I am generally forgetful whn it comes to bearin grudges. I cant stay angry for long and that’s alr a well-known fact but if there is one thg that I will never forget. It is definitely bein cheated on. It doesn’t matter if it was in love or in a friendship. I may forgive but I will never forget, never. Thgs may go back to normal but there will alws be this alarm that keeps goin off to remind me of how I was cheated on. And I wont hesitate to dig up the past. Yet if I am indebted to you, or you’ve been really nice, I would do anythg to make you happy. It goes both ways =)
I am actually in a state of madness seriously. From past few days’ wantin to find my Prince to wantin to get married to current’s not wantin to date till graduation. I am just too fickled minded. I have a gd reason for not wantin to date, don’t I? I just don’t feel like datin till I have a lil achievements to my name and am really ready and almost perfect for it. This way, I am only gd enough for the person I am datin. Mainly cos I really think I needa lose weight. Damn! If only sports can help, I can be really disciplined if it is for sports but the thg’s the more I exercise, the heavier I get, because of the muscle. It turns out that rottin at home’s the best way for me to lose weight, how ironic.
Presently, there is nothing more that I want other than to have my close friends with me. It is only recently that I talked to one of them on msn that I realized I missed them so much.. despite bein really angry with him for some reason before this, I cudnt brin myself to ignore him any longer. For I saw the weakness in him, one that he was tryin to hide. I guess we didn’t grow up tgd but we both have this understandin for each other and it is way cool. It is the ability to receive the most nonsensical sms frm each other and still smile because we are still in each others’ thots and that makes you think that it is great to have a friend like this tho brainless =D
It has been so long since I was able to pen dwn my thots so accurately, esply so in English. Achievement oi! Hoho. It just feels great not needin to care what others think and what they want to read abt but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten abt the issue of the ppl reading my blog. I do knoe that many read but don’t leave a trace. Mayb the blog counter’s a way for me to keep track. I hid my blog for a period of time then because I was unsure of the ppl who read, the way they inferred frm my blog. It scared me a lil but all’s well now cos I don’t blog as much. I usually go online just to watch drama and I’ve totally forgotten how to get out of it.
This entry just feels great.. it must be the time of the day. Will try to put up a pic of me and my black hair soon. Hoho.
I was just thinkin.. I mean, how do we choose between a lover who is datin you only because both of you are supposed to be together and a best friend who loves you?
isnt is obvious whn i pre-typed my entry on microsoft? there are actually capital letters. keke.
Labels: fruits for thots, longg entry
6:16 AM