i am a genius. last night i realized that my keyboard was perfectly fine, just that i had accidentally on the num lock. how dumb can i be? i laughed myself silly whn love told me. hehs. i dont call myself a com idiot for nothing yeah? hahaha1! too lazy to blog more. laters. hoho.

Labels: first bcs lect, on time

capture that feel
2:53 PM
many thgs happened but all i really care abt is still my vids.

love's bday
painted nails purple
food
fat
clothes
moolah
blah!

Labels: viddy

capture that feel
12:23 AM
alright, i shall blog abt my birthday elaboratively another day. i am really so tired now. i will thank the ppl properly too. i am so tired it hurts just to stay awake.

Labels: elaborated later, exhausted, thank-yous

capture that feel
10:05 PM
okie, just whn i was gon blog and say the last thg i want is my friends appearin at my door at midnight, dear love appeared outside. hahaha! well, if it is love then it is way fine. love her too much and she knoes abt stuffs =))

it is just very me to be really pmsy and abit not so nice durin my bday wk, just before my bday but on my bday i will just be nicer and and more accomodative. i mean if friends ask for anythg i will just go with the flow and very anythg. seriously, cos i mean if they are nice i cant be bitchy as well.. i'l just anythg los. so if you need any favour and anythg to ask of me better do it within this day. after that i will revert back to the bochap, seriously. hoho.

Labels: birthday, easy-goin, pmsy

capture that feel
11:44 PM
the mood now is: stone, bad, negative, not givin a damn. it seems as if nothing matters. maybe love is right, too much dramas're takin a toll on my 'right' life. just who decides what is right? i hate the schedule, i hate the hectic feel, hate the tirin feelin, the lack of sense of satisfaction, the lack of sense of achievement, the failure to feel enriched with knowledge, not feelin like i am learnin new thgs, the lack of feelin awed... and many many more. i dont like. tmr i am skippin because it is only one lack tmr and i am not makin the journey there just for two hours. not worth it. i am makin so much noise cos i am not bothered anymore. it is not because of excitement, enthusiasm, elation(if there's sucha word) or whatsoever. i am just tired and i really dont give a damn, so i am just makin noises at will. so must emotions whelmin within that i cant let up cos it will just explode. now topped with fatigue, lets just hope stonin can soothe all these emotions.

it really doesnt help that all the dramas are at their emo moments now. urgh!` and i really hate the fact that we were supposed to be all involved but now, we seem redundant. *#&$*#&$%(*($#*

Labels: fatigue, hectice, suppression, tight

capture that feel
10:44 PM
today was a horrible day to start sch. the jam caused by rain darling. i swear i left uber early today but still ended up more than late and twas so embarrassin yet amusin. so much happened today, i am too tired by the excess talkin, laughin, screamin and what-so-ever. it was more noise than i have made in the past two mths within this ONE day. also, the long hours are really tirin and it is only lects now. tell me how am i gon survive man....

yippido!!! i have classmates for socio now!!!! ohyeah ohyeah OHYEAH! i was grumblin for SO long on the busride to tm. yet on the way vivi msged me and asked who is in to9 for socio, YOURS TRUELY! oohlala!!! happyhappyhappy! but it is stupid cos she will be joinin me for class in IT sch. boo!` also, later i found out that chuan ann's in my class too!! ohyeah! i have TWO classmates! cant be any happier =DD if only i can be greedy and have b too xP also, jap i think i have adel. i am one happy kid now =))

i really suck at bein angry, i am not angry at anybod now. forgot abt evrythg, just returnin favours. now, evn if i see thgs that piss me off. i just hmm.. then feel nothing abt. something's wrong abt me! hahaha! loves.

no sch on wed cos no way am i gon go sch just for that borin social lect AGAIN. so boo!` anw tmr's babybro's bday and i really dont knoe what to get him.. gahh!`

Labels: bro, lects, long hours, tiring

capture that feel
8:50 PM
Bloggin at the weirdest hour of the day again. It is 439am now and I cant get to sleep. I slpt for one hour frm abt 2am to 3plus and here I am awake again. I decided that I might as well stay and stay up and make myself so tired I’l slp soundly tonight. I’ve never been so unexcited abt goin to school before, hatin it so much I am not looking forward. It has nothing to do with the ppl I will meet, this I gotta admit. It is the lack of feelings. Being in a poly means you will lose chance to have super close friends, at least not many. I have b, seppie and dinny. Yet, they are splitin all of us just to mix us up. This means lesser time together and more new friends. What if I prefer the old ones? What if I don’t want to socialize? I guess I don’t have a choice the moment I chose a business course.

It is rainin now, the feelin of a rainy day just hypes me up. Nothing excites me more than a rainy day. Today feels like a gd day for it is MONday (LOL!) and it is rainin now. All these make today more bearable. I am not excited about school because I feel like an embryo forcefully removed from a mother’s womb. All that warmth and protection gone, just me to face the world. I am just getting comfy alone and now I gotta get used to the crowd again. I don’t mind hangin out with my close friends but to get used to ppl again I am not as confident.

Kor said to get As and he’l treat me. He is dead =DD I’m gon work for all the As so I can burn a hole in his pocket. I think I am missin him so much. I hafnt met him since kerr came back. I sure don’t miss his jackings but I miss those times whn we’d sit by the school corridor to discuss abt our team issues. The times whn netball and soccer were real close. If only we can help them with their trainings too but too bad. I rmb how they’d learn how to play netball just to help us train to be tougher, faster and strong. I really miss those times of playin your favourite sport with your favourite ppl. It was all smiles. All the injuries were worth it but that was the past. I rmb how it’d be a captain vs captain thg. Kor vs me and mind you, he is 180plus and FINE! I am not evn 160. he can bloody jump, so can I but there is alr a disadvantage in the height difference! We’d be runnin and jumpin so hard for the pride. Both of us knoe, either cant afford to lose, that kinda competition felt real gd. It was as if we represented our own cca. The feel was great. The two sports may not be alike in any single way other than our being team play and ball game. One was a hand-sport, the other a leg-sport. We’d support each others’ team. I rmb arguing with my arrogant pe tchr cos he put the soccer team dwn, those rebellious days. I miss those days whn I’d watch kor and his team play. Esp whn those players were ppl I knoe, great ppl who put in their all and sweat for the team. You don’t see victory or lose in their game, you see their passion, their flair. They played their beautiful game. I miss the hugs and the smile I see on kor’s face whn he wins a game, minus the perspiration. He’s like a reservoir whn it comes to that. I have unknowingly typed a long para on kor. This is definitely not cos of the treat but I love kor, the feel of a brother carin, a family member with no blood ties. He may not be as gd as putting his stand across, alws makin ppl hate him, alws comin across as proud and arrogant. But to me, he has a heart of gold, he cares. He just isn’t gd with expressin it in a nicer way. This alws results in many ppl hatin him. He doesn’t mean any harm, just his choice of word. Yet, to me he’s a really great guy. GREATEST! =DD he’s like a bro I never had. If I have to go on, it’d take forever, so I shall try to go back to slp now.

fine, i am too lazy to correct this post so it is in a typical microsoft format.

Labels: insomniac, kor, read, schoolio

capture that feel
5:47 PM
adversity makes one stronger, especially one who wants to protect himself badly. yet, the slightest hint of negative emotion would result in a lost of direction. that slightest negativity may just cause you to do things you will regret for all your life. you dont have to be strong to excel, you can still hide your weak side and still strive to outdo others and get on with your individualistic ways. you dont necessarily have to let anyone in, for three's a crowd. you only have space for that one special person.

i realized i dont enjoy arguin for my rights anymore. it doesnt really matter if ppl take my stand. it doesnt make a difference anymore. because i realized if you shud make others to understand your view, you'd have to let them into your comfort zone. that'd mean leavin your weakness exposed. if thats the case, i'd rather keep my own view and not be bothered to make my stand. afterall, it really doesnt make a difference. i dont have to make an impact, i just have to protect myself. i chose to lock myself away, there is no need to unlock just to prove to others that my stand is impt. i dont like to argue because speakin from the bottom of your heart means gettin emotional and cryin uncontrollably. i dont like that, so i am lockin that away to the deepest part of my heart.

SCHOOLS STARTIN IN...... abt TEN HOURS! gosh! this feelin sucks. tmr'd make the end of isolation, i dont fancy that feel. twas nice meetin up with tp ppl. well, part of the gigglers met up. dinny, we didnt ask you cos we went kbox and it's mostly chinese songs, so it's kinda a waste of moolah.

in the end we started k-ing at 2pls. the girls met up first before Mr Pudding(LOL!) and nibbs came at abt 5. they are DUMB! they took almost TWO hours to come to amk frm parkway. omg. cos they happily took the train whn bus was a smarter choice. me and b was havin very bad throat, so there were lots of croakin and songs of male artistes'. surprisingly puddin was singling english songs!!!! that cheena poke was actually singin ENGLISH songs!!! it was a super messy kbox. anw love, i just gotta say that i felt what you were feelin but trust me, i wont do anythg to hurt you =)) you just gotta trust me at this point of time first. today that fat puddin was bein gay and he just kept doin gay dance. the whole thg was a blur, i am so tired i cant rmb much.

i just knoe the girls were bein quite gay too. me and sep was happily talkin nonsense and sep was also involved with lotsa crap. this kinda outings shud be held often and the guys were nice to ome join us in civilized amk. but all of you shud really see the expression on b's face whn she saw the ulu lift. me and love laughed for damn long. and whn we were bringin the grp to pizzahut. the look of the guys' face whn i brought them thru a whole stretch of dark streets. it is as if the very civilized amk sddenly became ulu pandan! funny shit!

aft that we decided to eat at love's hse instead cos bigger and we really dont wanna wait. cos that Mr Pudding was a fussy poke. anws, we rot there for a while, crappin, decidin what to eat, blahs. then i was just more interested in DBY, love entertainin, b forcin puddin to help with her mj and dont knoe what nibbs was doin.. entertainin the operator? well, come to think of it evrybod's so busy who was love entertainin? hahaha! then the not hungry me got tempted by the nuggets. i finished my ep of DBY and decided to save the sadder ep to watch alone. i ransacked love's fridge and found strawberry pie!! =DD she said was too sweet but i thot twas ok and it ended up gettin munched away by me and that FAT puddin. hahaa! then me, b and that pudd rushed for the nuggets. we were like some pigs. gosh! fat can?!

finally the pizzas arrived but i was alr leavin, needa go home for my DBY and darddy's anal so better play safe =DDD still, i had SO much fun today but k was kinda waste of moolah but still so much fun. the feel of ppl hoverin near my square of trust. they were at the right side, not at the corners that prick and hurt. *smirk.

school startin and i hate that repulsive action of yours. i am not that dumb to be taken in. i am not interested.

Labels: amk, hide oneself away, isolation, k, love's home, strive to be the best, ulu

capture that feel
10:21 PM
it is only in this hols whr i totally rot and laze at home that i realized my laziness is finally takin a toll on my body. it is not the internal part of my body but body parts like my face, hands, legs, etc. it was so bad my face felt as if it was decomposin, i really hate the way i looked then. like what is alws commonly said, "there are no ugly woman in this world but only a lazy woman."

never in my almost 19yrs old life have i been so hardworkin in tryin to take care of my precious face. now the total time that i am takin to take care of my almost decomposed face is a freakin 30mins compared to before's at most 3mins. this is horrible, mayb it is time to admit that i am OLD! boo!` let me console myself a lil, it is a better age to spend more efforts in takin care of my face now. if i am to take care of my face whn i was younger, maybe my skin'd become weaker and require evn MORE attention whn i am older. hehs. whatever it is, it is more normal to only start takin care of my face whn i am close to that BIG 20. gahh!`

i love the Devil. hehehe! i am watchin some drama. alright, taiwanese drama to be exact. they actually considered 32b to be small! SMALL!! S-M-A-L-L! i was abt to faint. i am talkin abt the boobies here. i mean to me i actually think 32b is average, is it not? horrible! so scary. ahhaha! one of the scenes in the show reminded me of something i've been tryin to forget for the whole hols. good one there. still, i wasnt affected much.

yesyes!!! i gotta say i totally love val's blogpost! the one on love vs like. it felt SO real, so scary but pretty cool, at least it'l help xP i'ma happykid. hoho!

Labels: decomposed face, Devil, old, past

capture that feel
12:29 AM
ok, this is just a nonsense post. eversince pearl told me that her darddy said movin the lappy screen up and down would cause the screen to spoil i am DAMN scared! cos supposedly her darddy said that keepin shiftin the screen would cos the wires would wear out or sth causin the screen to go blank. oooohhh!!! badddd!! pls dear lappy, still alive longer, i cant live w/o you!! =((

Labels: die, lappy, screen

capture that feel
10:49 PM
i wish i can stop hatin myself for the thgs i refuse to do anymore. the case robbed me of my courage, the 'me' of the past. the case was an example of excess courage and stupidity. as much as i have got rid of the stupidity, i lost my courage as well. the feelin of not bein able to stand up agnst bigger bodies for what you believe is right sucks. not being abt to stand up for others agnst conservationists.

the cowardly behaviour was so bad, whn i am faced with such situations, instead of takin a step forward, i took TWO steps backwards. a normal person would have only takin one but i took two. i am so afraid to face it agn. the lost of courage made me not want to face the world anymore. i dont want to show the side of me evn i cannot accept. feelin so afraid i cant pluck up enough courage to put my name down. afraid of how the person would view the whole thg because of me, my profile. the whole thg just sucks alright i hate my cowardice, my lack of vocab.

Labels: courage, fear, retreat

capture that feel
8:09 PM
knoe how it feels like to be 100% sure that someone understands you, at least tries to feel your inner self; yet at the same time mean no harm and is ready to stay by you thru thick and thin? the feelin is great, euphoric. i admit, i lack trust. things that have happened to me made me trust ppl evn lesser. more often than not, i get involved in the ugly side of human nature, only to start grumblin abt it. i hate that side of me. as much as i am just the slightest bit out of my own comfort zone, my only reaction is to take action to defend myself. and this usually means i'd be nasty and i really hate the mean me. the fear of the possibility of gettin hurt conquers evrythg else.

Love asked, did all the dramas this hols affected me in any way. honestly, i dont feel that it does. or maybe it did. it would not have affected me on the kinda guy i'd look out for. evn if it shud, it is not significant. the most noticeable influence; noticeable to myself, is the extra 'doors' lockin my heart away from ppl. the hols have taught me that reality taught Man to portray his fantasies onto dramas, fantasies that may never take place. yet at the same time it got me thinkin abt alot of issues. issues that i am not comfy discussin abt. it got me more 'doors'. i am not denyin some dramas are real but they are rare.. maybe some day somebod can open all these doors but they are just too many of them to unlock.

i do dream too, to write as beautifully as i wish to. to portray words so nicely, one can get comfort from just readin them. a dream i am still strivin towards.

Labels: doors, dream, locks, trust

capture that feel
3:45 AM
aft i walked love halfway home, i was just thinkin.. mayb i am startin to break away frm my cacoon and becomin a buttfly. the meanin of buttfly.., known only to me. the surpression, the need to succumb, may tie me dwn for a while but it will only give me more will to retaliate further whn break free. the Pride that i have to let go now is only temporary. i hate the trapped feelin but i am not like before, i am willin to hold back my emotions and evrythg else. all i want is that moment of retaliation, the release, the feel of a freebird. i will wait for that moment and make sure it leaves an impact on you for i hate you tryin to push me dwn. not understandin that the harder you try to surpress me, the higher i'd hit back.

was talkin to Love abt our friendship. we noticed the similarity and the soft spot of each other that we have so often avoided out of mutual understandin. we actually related it to our horoscopes. how we are insecure abt ppl comin too near to our inner soul. we are afraid. we are not afraid of ppl attackin us but we are afraid of tellin others our secrets for nothing scares us more than bein so weak that we dont evn have the strength to pick ourselves up. the similarities go a long way. maybe it is really because of our horoscopes, the 4days difference in birthdates that made us so similar. i have no proof in any of these but i am just happy with the mutual understandin that didnt have to be pre-decided but something we have alws knew.

Labels: mutual understandin, scorpions, soft spots

capture that feel
2:14 AM
the stupid timetable's finally out aft SO long!!! but the days are pretty alright i thot. as in my latest day will be thurs whr i end at freakin SEVEN! 7pm.... boo!` all that long breaks are just gon waste my precious time... but it is still gd cos it is lects for mon-wed and thurs lect starts late. so that means that it is bad to the early fri and let's pray hard that this fri tutor will be nice =DDD

in some sense i am excited for school to start.. cos it'l mean negativity aside, go back to interactin with ppl. notice the different in attitude? i am tryin to really head for a change and my original class seems so much better compared to the idea of goin to a new class, namely the cds classes and meetin new ppl ALL over agn. i am a sucker who'l only learn to appreciate whn i have comparison. cant think of anythg else and mayb that means it is time to return to the dramas..

Labels: cds, long days, timetable

capture that feel
1:51 PM

The truth isn’t up to you to decide,
So it’s better to just accept it.
Although it’s ugly,
At least it’s honest.

Been jottin dwn some ideas while i was offline like usual but i just didn’t have the motivation to load it to blogger. like whn i read frm a teammate’s ‘dead’ blog, she wrote something abt the resurfacin of all the insecurities that trap everyone. Teammate, what a far-fetched word. she may not be my closest friend but one person i trusted my decisions with on court. that warm feelin that is all not too familiar anymore. watchin myself take an outsider’s stand while all the insecurities slowly disable my head along with my heart. the familiar hypocrisy, paired with the unfamiliar failure to find solace in it. all that talk abt hypocrites, only to find oneself playin along with them in their game. shud I give the excuse that THAT is the real world or just simply detest my own doings.

starin at the screen, seein what i type slowly appearin letter by letter into the baby blue convo box. what pure colour decorated with such satanic words i have chose to represent myself. simply not meanin a single thg of what i have typed. i am not losin myself, neither am i playin the game of networkin. i’d rather i am but sadly i am not. in actual fact, i am alr not needin a conscious effort to, i am just doin it as if it is of second-nature. i have fallen into the abyss without the slightest idea and is it just too late to find out now? i am confused not because i lost myself but how shud i survive in this world whr i am slowly losin sight of evryone’s gd-natured side, evn my own. whr have all of us gone to as we become more adept for the working life?
this whole hols i chose to hide behind the screen, watchin how ppl come up with their ideas of life thru dramas. all these while, i chose not to come into contact with ppl i am not familiar with but at the same time it is scary to find out how the actual person i am is totally different frm the one i have created to face others.

realizing how i am not doin enough for the ppl i care and doin too much for ppl that doesn’t bother me too much. how i have let impt friendships pass me by. watchin as I feel insecure abt friendship that i dare say will last the trauma of calamities. the fear of losin that friend that have went thru so much with me, guiding me thru all those times. i need more confidence in you =) because i knoe you are just a call away and no matter what happens you will be there for me, just like how i will.

all this while listenin to ehlo singin, it soothed me a little. the need to face evrybod once again. maybe there is no need to be so bothered abt so many thgs. all i have to do is to just to be the pk in 1.5. all the gd times, fun, joy, laughters. all those jokes and fun. maybe scoob’s missin but i can cope, spread his humour. sddnly, i just got reminded of how he was in j1. the blue rubbishbin, the corner near the stairs, the confident loner =)) i shud just do thgs that i love, carin abt opinions of loved ones. these are all that matters, no more.

the hair will stay, until i am ready enough to exude that radiance. currently, i am still contented to just hide behind the mane. viewin the world in my own perspective, not havin to alws be ready to fend off any negativity. school’s startin and all that talk abt not wantin to go back. seriously, is there really nobody who wants to return? not a single person honestly? once term starts, i guess i want back my life. there are two thgs i want to do. since evrythg’s over, i think it is time i start working a lil. it is time to earn my own keep while keeping up with my studies. the nxt is to join a cca.. this is not exactly compulsory. if there is a possibility, i’d want to return to the sports whr i first felt the feelin of soarin but reality does not allow and i’d hate how it crashes me aft evry victory.

i am abt comin to an end with this entry.. once school starts, evrythg starts anew. the negativity goes, the sluggish attitude goes, the English needs improving. other than that, the rest are still pendin. i don’t knoe why but there is just a sudden urge to read Othello. *shruggs.

Labels: change of emotions, new beginnin, school start

capture that feel
1:40 AM
i realized my current n73's in a super horrible state. i just bought it in april and it alr looks so bad, scratches here and there. i feel like sellin it to get something simpler and wither flip or slide hp. i mean n73's too complex for me. i just need something simple.. but i dont knoe what my dad will say if i sell the hp to get another. i just dont need more prob.

the worst prob now is that i cant rmb the security code so no other simcard can be inserted other than my own.. damn... now i gotta solve that prob, lets hope nokia care centre can render some help. actually the hp is still under warranty but i cant find the warrantycard!!! thgs can get worse man. i rmb placin the card in one of my bag but i cant find it now. i think it fell out or something...

i can sell the hp for more with warrantycard but wells... forget it. i am thinkin of what hp to get... *smiles. excitin. i just feel like havin a change and make evrythg feel like a brandnew start.. weee!

i am serious man, i hate exposin others' lies. i really dont care if the liars are of no concern to me. i really hate it whn the person's a friend. i seriously think i deserve more than lies and i really hate it whn the person lie to save her ass. i really dont mind her lyin just to protect another person's feelins. of cos i am not sayin that i dont lie, i am no saint. i wont lie abt the thgs i do, if i dont want others to knoe, i wont evn say a thg abt it.

Labels: codes, lies, n73, new hp

capture that feel
7:50 PM
gosh, i really hate feelin so weak and just fallin apart as and whn i feel like it. i also hate the fact of alws only havin negative emotions to blog abt. i stayed up ahn to watch vids. this time it isnt because i cant slp. in fact, i think i feel horribly slpy but i still stayed up and sobbed myself silly. i actually feel more real whn i am cryin like crap. i believe that whn i cant get any worse, i will rebound and become happier, lets hope it is soon. i used to dress up nicer whn i am feelin lousy to lift my spirits but now i cant evn be bothered. on top of the lack of clothes, don’t ask me how but i seem to have no clothes to wear, there is also the reluctance to shop. firstly, i don’t really shop, secondly, i am still waitin for the damn cheque and i really need a job, boy.

later i gotta have breakfast with another person who wanna act as if he cares. alws insistin on meetin only to tell me that he has to rush off. whats with the behaving like a busy businessman? i’m sorry i cant appreciate it. i’d rather not meet than make it seem like a chore.

i hate the feelin of shoulderin a prob by oneself and have it weighin dwn on you so much that you cant evn control your tears. i especially hate to see it bein acted out. it causes dehydration on my part. new word!! hoho. alright, out!

Labels: macs breakfast, weak, wee hours

capture that feel
6:53 AM
coincidentally, it is 528 again but in actual fact it is only 523 cos my hp and watch are 5mins faster. for some reason, my body just refuses to rest and refuses to register the fact that it is freakin MORNING now and evn the nocturnal me shud be slpin alr! it might be because i slpt for 19hours straight ytd. that was cos i stayed up to wait for sep to come my hse and after that i left for my appt before goin to b’s. the day before i was really really tired! not only did i not slp, i actually got my ass stuck in the game of mahjong for almost SIX hours! Yes! 1,2,3,4,5, S-I-X. it is a big achievement in case you dont knoe. The longest i ever last is only say.. at most 45mins. hahhaa! it was so brain-strainin… the funniest part was we had only 3 ppl playin and we can last so long. we were supposed to play FOUR players like how a norm mj game goes but stupid sep decided to give us a miss cos she was too tired from the lack of slp as well. so it was like me, b and her mommy. the whole game was just really fun and not as stressful cos her mom also super anyhow and surprisingly enough her mom won the most. cos it seems like me and b gamed the most. hahaha!
and love, dont worry. i am damn gd. i knoe i still have you and dinny to talk to. actually there are evn more ppl, evn b but it is just that i choose not to. it is just me who cant open up. the situation isnt as bad since both of us has the common stand that nothing can go as bad as suicide. hahaha! lets say it is pride because other than that i really cant put a cause to my failure to get help. mayb I am getting from the biatch. anw her name’s Mrs Lim, mayb she isn’t as bad. i didnt get to tell you and b, i dont hate her as much. it was evn funny the last time we met cos she indirectly exposed the fact that my dad was overprotective tho my dad didnt get it. sometimes i’d wish he wasnt. it was really funny cos i rarely see ppl argue with my dad cos my dad alws has a way with his words and he alws has ppl suckin up to him. that day i was just sittin there and sniggerin to myself. she was actually looking at my reaction and abit bewildered by it. my dad was so lost for word that i could almost sense him close to flarin and my face was just, ‘ok-go-on-man’. actually comin to think of it, it might just be a blessin in disguise. i knew i had a prob and i rmbed telling fiz i need a psychiatrist. hahaha! Mrs Lim is nowhere as pro of cos but close enough, why not? it is just me not bein able to face up with evrythg that has happened. i still dream abt it but I dont think i’d call them nightmares, it is just me appearin there and still putting on a strong front. it really eats me up and that’s also why i broke dwn ytd. the whole thg just becomes a mental block for me but i knoe one day i can overcome it, that is also one reason i dont want a bf anymore. there are just thgs i dont knoe how to share. yes, i definitely wont be telling him abt it but i do really have a prob with sharing probs. unless it is somebody like ili, i mean honestly it feels really great tell him probs. i alws just end up smiling or just stoning ard and he just knoes how to react and somehow i’d feel better after that. you dont have to feel bad or change in any way, i mean if this is the way our friendship is then so be it. there is nothing wrong so we dont have to change anythg. i knoe it just feels weird for me to tell you serious thgs or me feelin dwn in a semi-jokin tone. believe it or not, that’s the way i think abt in my head too.. like, oops, i screwed it and i’l prolly just hahaha to myself in my head. it is the way i process thots. you gotta get used to it but if you turn insane cos of that I dont wanna be held responsible man. hahaha! in some sense you can say i am pretty optimistic or you can say i am just bluffin myself but you just gotta believe that at the end of the day i will be fine. i am only used to protectin others and whn it comes to myself, the only way i knoe is to keep it to myself. mayb my protective characteristic came frm my bein the eldest at home! hoho. there really was a period whn i was weak and craved for attention but that was whn i was much younger and livin with my gramp, a real long time ago. now, i choose to face it alone anyhow and if i am too afraid, i just choose the most cowardly option, to run away by tryin to forget it. i just keep runnin away.. tryin to numb evrythg with laughters. funny enough, the best alternative turns out to be writin or bloggin. i chose not to write for i’d hate to read it after a period of time and let that memory come back to pester me, i dont want. i wanna blog abt it and then forget abt it totally.

ok, i totally blogged one whole para of i-dont-knoe-whats. surprising enough, my mood for school reopen now is very much the same as whn i first started school in April. i am not interested in friends of any forms, i just wanna focus and study. it is very unlikely to focus on studies but i am very sure abt the friends part. i will give no face anymore. i have no tolerance for nonsense. if i dont like, i think i prolly wont bother anymore. mayb bein a loner just makes thgs so much simpler. yes, i still have b, mayb that’d make lectures more bearable and there is still company. *shruggs.

anw i was just thinking.. why do the mutilators only cut their wrists? comparatively i’d say ankles are better locations. i mean if i am them i’d really choose ankles, least obvious and… ok, mayb cos the wrist has more blood. up to them.

Labels: blant, blatant, insomnia, naggy, rubbish

capture that feel
5:38 PM
我到底是谁

在你心中占有

怎样的地位

你不说清楚

你让去我们的爱

坠在七里雾

爱很讨厌

总是忽近又忽远

的让人追

追半天你连抱歉

一句抱歉也不给

我向前走低着头

眼泪不停向后流

一直走不回头

希望你会找到我

但是始终不如愿

希望都落空

我仍相信

其实你懂我

我发誓千遍

我这一走

你就无法挽回

虽然心会痛

总比受尽委屈

还要更好过

我等了等

脑海始终浮现

你对我的好

耗半天你连babe

一句抱歉也不给

我向前走低着头

眼泪不停向后流

一直走不回头

希望你会找到我

但是始终不如愿

希望都落空

我仍相信

其实你爱我

一前一后

你跟在我的背后沉默

前前后后

希望你握住我的手

我向前走抬起头

擦掉眼泪向前走

一直走不回头

相信你会找到我

梦里寻他千百遍

希望都实现

我不想走

无法心不痛

i finally broke dwn today, i just cudnt help but just started cryin like a baby. just a minor argument and i just broke dwn, i must have been mad. i am very clear why. ytd i was too tired, i just went to bed at 11pm till almost 6pm today. it was much earlier than norm days. usually i'd watch some sad love stories so that i'l be cryin and after awhile fall back aslp but it wasnt so ytd. it resulted in an accumulation of negativity. sometimes i cant understand as well, i am slowly becomin a tap, within 30secs and i can be cryin like a kid. luckily it only happens at night and i am generally under control in the day.

actually i think in some sense i am just runnin away but i am cant face it myself. it takes up too much of me to face it. i cant face it alone and i am too stubborn to allow anyone else to help. cryin is slowly losin it's effects, sometimes i feel like punchin but i am not able to do it at will at home. sometimes whn it isnt so bad, i will be resistin the idea of doin anythg that will leave a mark i cant erase. the last thg i want is to leave an injury on myself that will haunt me whn i need to dress up. i hate restrictions.

Labels: baby, negativity, tap

capture that feel
7:15 PM
as i am sittin opp at the bus stop, there is just a sddn hope of runnin into nsq. tho it is totally not the place she’l prolly appear but i just had this hope. to run into, give her a hug, or more like i need the hug. the comfy feelin she gives me is unexplainable and irreplaceable. we dont meet up often, we dont talk often but there is just this understandin between us. something within us is so similar, we think alike, totally, at many points of times.

and just at the same moment, i am thinking if slittin would hurt as much if it is cut deep enough to just let the blood run while i just watch on, what will the feelin be like? have i grew accustomed to evrythg or do i just not want to retaliate anymore? am i just simply givin up or just keeping evrythg inside hopin that it would result in a great enough expulsion one day? it is scary how you dont evn knoe what you yourself are thinking abt sometimes.. well, at the very least, i am just glad that i am evn actually thinking and not just wastin my life away.

Labels: possibilities, thots

capture that feel
12:06 PM
i think too much dramas has resulted in my current calm state. i realized there isnt like this OMG! i like somebod kinda crap. i mean last time i’d prolly be crazy over the male lead, not evn that now. damn.. something’s wrong with me, something very wrong. that means i dont like that someone anymore, gd news, complete recovery. i’ve reached sucha numb state that nothing really matters. Ok, something still does, my decomposin forehead and my constantly above average weight. those are KILLIN me!!! =((((

mayb i am still looking forward for my Prince but i knoe it wont be any time soon, at least not now. for firstly, since i spend almost all my time with tp ppl and tp guys are.. well… since they are… their friends shud be like them so forget it. secondly, i don’t really meet ppl outside, so forget abt anythg now man. Focus!! keke.

i am still frettin over my hair! dunno what to do with it. i can so imagine myself goin to sch with my lion mane alr. Worse come to the worse, i shall just pony it up! hehs.

stupid love cant stop tryin to tell me abt xc before i start tellin you abt ehlo *evil grin. first tryin to link him to Prince, which is NOO!! Love, you link smore i am NOT talking to you anymore cos that is a major turnoff. honestly it doesn’t matter if Prince turns up anymore, i really don’t care, if you’d believe me. look at how unfazed i am by the couples attack! today. hahhaa! reminds me of the mars attack! hoho. Stupid shows!!! oh yeah, continuing and all her how the photos she took with him back then nicer cos no babin. she smsed me that. whn? EARLY IN THE MORN! hoi! spare me the fright can? early in the morn see his name -.- anw was just gon say all that just made me rethink abt the whole fiz issue. now it’s like war cos he is makin a fuss say if he doesnt call i wont call too.. plus i alws give him the ‘I-don’t-wanna-talk-to-you’ tone. so it is major now cos he is pissed too but i am doin what i did cos i was also pissed-and-tryin-to-act-ok. you get me, don’t you. tell me you’ve never done that and i’l slap you. we broke up but like never really break up.

true to what you’ve said but this time it is different. i mean.. we both changed, he is returnin to who he really is back in macs days (which is unfathomable!!!) i am becoming less reliant on him. this time, i actually dont have the urge to return to him and just rest on him.. mayb it is just me who prefers to face probs alone, i said MAYB cos some part of me just thinks that i’d prefer a shoulder to lean on.. but after all that happened, he really wasn’t ard. it’s two years we are talking abt. anybody who can survive two yrs with me we can so totally get married alr, it’s just that it’s not the right time not and we cant get the feel back. gahh!`

i was just thinkin.. i prefer tan-tan-tall-tall guys.. it sounds so malay. hahhaa! but i don’t only like malay guys! it’s as if i am really so wrong… anw i want revenge!! r-e-v-e-n-g-e REVENGE! cant wait to see the look on your face whn my sweet sweet revenge hits you. *double love!

okokiee!!! hair hair hair!! hows hows hows?! i don’t want lion mane! gahh!!` anw time to shoppie soonie!!! woohooo!!! muahahahaaa! lets go Love!!!

this post is dumb cos it is meant for Love but Love is slpin right beside me now -.-

Labels: ehlo, lion mane, to Love, two yrs

capture that feel
8:27 AM
okie, just a short post while i wait for my vids to load. omg, how am i gon cope with goin to sch again if i am so addicted to all these taiwanese variety shows.... ooooohhhhh.....! hahhaa! i can alr so imagine, me loadin the vids the night before sch and watchin it in sch and laughin myself silly. it is just fun how they are so open abt sexual stuffs and their jokes, hardcore sia. hahaha! i can be watchin the vids while eatin the bento i make. okie, i can be a loner alr. hahaha! nvm, sep can join.

ohyeah, gon start makin biandang, aka bento cos i think it is damn fun and damn cool? fine, my cookin is not that up to standard but they are stuffs that i can do... like spaghetti! how sweet is it makin lunch for the ppl you love. ooohhh...! first day of sch gon make two, one for seppie, one for myself! =DD b didnt want =( cos she said she wanna try salad bar, nvm! =)) me and seppie was like thinkin of the menu. other than spaghet, we were like thinkin of thgs to act to the bento. all the influence frm all that taiwanese dramas. seems like spore only known for outside food, like food centres. we are not like hk, anyhow take some crap frm kitchen to whip up sth whn we want food or like tw whr we bring lunchbox. it seems luchbox=poor. boo!` but i used to have classmate who brings lunchbox to sch and only has 50cents. i rmbed her lunch was bread. and that was.. sec 1! fine, we wont okie, we'l have money AND lunchbox. how excitin!! =D

anw dinny, dont worry. we how tight? thgs aint over la, you think too much. anw your class chalet rocks boy! i think your class totally knoe us alr, thanks for lettin us crash and your classmates were really nice, shud thank them.

okie, lil secret before i end, cos the chalet had many couples. hey, they were sweet and pretty cute. teehee! but i wasnt really affected by them, in fact, surpisingly, i didnt feel much. somebod was.... hehehe! i think i am damn ready for singlehood. hahaha! i have love and love has me. b has xn and xn has..... too many. hahaha! BB!

Labels: bento, couples, food, singlehood

capture that feel
11:30 PM
there are some stuffs that i knoe but too 'cannnot-be-bothered' to do anythg or raise the issue. tired la. hahaha! bein bothered takes up too much energy. keke.

B! tmr chalet you better get your ass there, dont say i nv tell you!!! i wanna buy real bbt, not the brown sugar's but the real round-round-flat-flat-big-big one. *yumyum. anw tmr bring the fudgy cake! but i am NOT sharin with sep. keke! fri mj with seppie!!! we start in the aftn k? we are short of one, your mommy joinin us???!!! anw mayb i can get bnj's and make laoma her cake =DD wooo!!! fri's fun-packed. meanin we can mj while waitin for the cake to be made. hoho. oohlala!

i am so lazy to go on bloggin, wanna go back to the taiwan varity shows. it seems impossible to not become cheena. all that chinese shows rock!! local variety shows really cannot fight. they are so open abt sex facts and they dare to play dirty games, not the literally dirty ones but it is just fun and super funny. i had to literally control my laughter SO badly. *LOLLLL!!!! gosh, i wanna live in taiwan!! hehee!

Labels: bbt, knoein, taiwan, tired

capture that feel
9:47 PM
i had no choice but to stop my drama halfway just to pen this dwn (more like type it out). for the first time in a long time. i felt that there is something real in dramas, at least in this drama that i am watchin now. honestly i thot the story was kinda borin cos matthew wasn’t the lead so of cos he’l definitely not get the girl and i don’t fancy the leads too much. EVN THO HE IS A SPOREAN MODEL.

yet I sympathize with matt’s character. basically he is a rich kid of some kind considerin that his family owns an antique shop. he alws comes across as this happy-go-lucky, cheerful and chirpy guy. to some extent he looked too playful for his own gd. but beside his smiles and light-hearted tone, he carries the burden of evrybod. he takes brotherhood to a new extreme. he doesn’t want anybody to pity him or share his loads. all he wants is to shoulder evrythg himself, silently. he just swallows all the bitterness and unhappiness without showin. the inability to cry whn something tragic happened to him just set my tears flowin. he cannot cry cos he is evrybod’s pillar, whthr he chooses to or not. he doesn’t need evrybod to worry because it does not help in the least. he doesn’t want others’ pity in any form, it is the pride. Pride can lift you up to be above others but it can also make you stubborn to the max. it makes you not be able to let go of certain thgs that you need not hold on to and brood over.

the familiarity of this character, of not bein able to cry whn you really feel like or need to. havin to swallow your tears back is the hardest thg in this world. the more you take in, the emptier you become. the pain kills. maybe because he’s a man and this is a drama that’s why he is able to take it, or I’m just not as strong as he is. *shruggs.

i realized i alws sympathize and prefer the second lead in dramas in some sense because they feel more real cos of the pain that they have to bear with and their attempt in tryin to come across and appear strong to evrybod. yet their smallest action or their eyes will alws give them away.

i still take my stand that a smile will never be a smile unless there’s ‘heart’ in it. it may have intention but the wrong one. instead of tryin to show one’s happiness, it could be to ease another’s emotions.
woo, i feel intellectual. hoho.

Ehlo H =))

Labels: broken, intellectualkid, smile

capture that feel
1:45 AM
seppie goh! i knoe what i want frm you for bday alr!! i want sunflower. hahhaa! the cedar kind. keke. lazy to sms you, waste my money and you are sure to reply me nonsense. i miss those sunflowers durin cedar vday!! nxt yr we buy and go ard distributin like last time okie? *MISSMISS!

tmr i gotta wake up early early.... you're not workin tmr right? hopefully i can end early then go find you =D but if got no mood den dwan la. keke. i sound so temperamental and wilful. nvm, you love me. hahhaa!

Labels: cedar, miss, sunflower

capture that feel
10:24 PM
exactly two more weeks to school start. i am still not too sure am i looking forward to it.. looking forward because there is actually a purpose to my life, not excited because i must cope with people again. i am totally used to just facin my lappy at home and not talking to anybody. i am totally engrossed in my own world.

my whole hols was super unproductive. i slacked on the excuse of needin a rest to get ready for the projs and syllabus. i watched vids for one whole month straight and the prev mth i was getting busy with some other matter. i can watch 12hrs straight of vids NON-STOP durin the last mth. for the first time in my life, i actually got bored of watchin vids. i mean, i am known among my buds that i am somebody who cant pull myself away frm tv but this time.. gosh, i am not exactly sick of vids or dramas but i am not getting the kicks anymore. all the dramas are startin to look and feel the same.

the male lead has a steady gf but another unique girl came along and the male lead falls in love with the girl unknowingly. add a lil sweetness in between with a lil obstacles in between plus the objection of the gf and story ends with the male lead and the unique girl. the dramas alws make life seem as if Love is evrythg but it isn’t, is it?

as this vids lose their kicks and my idea of fairytale’s slowly dyin too. the feelin’s definitely not too great. sddnly, i am losin interest with guys. i rmb sayin that guys who gives such carin looks and seemed as if they genuinely care that melt girls’ hearts, esp me. but now it seems i totally hate guys who give the carin look. i’d wanna give them a tight slap if I ever see those face or those looks. i cant explain the sddn change, there seems to be many thgs cant explain abt myself. it seems evn i don’t understand myself.

i rmbed i’d said that real guys shud treasure brotherhood but it seems that one who takes it to the extreme is scary. imagine a guy who backs his brother so badly, he is not only sacrificing himself but also the people ard him. there needs to be a limit.. all in all, it is just impossible to have a perfect guy but maybe someone who can make up for your shortcomings. it shudnt be difficult, i have plenty of them, shortcomings,

i was just thinking, if i am to attempt to ans adam khoo’s question on, ‘why do i wake up evryday?’ cant. there is no purpose to life now, this simply sounds so suicidal. hahaha! there is like no meanin to my existence now. i feel like a walkin zombie sometimes. the hols is really too long and too vexin for my own good. i feel like a bird but not as free as a bird.

Labels: monotonous, purposeless

capture that feel
5:56 PM
for some very frustratin reasons, my internet explorer is refusin to load my drama and that is totally pissin me off. i am just somebod who cant stand not gettin what i want really badly. it is the really badly that matters. maybe you can call that wilful... anw i have set my mind that i wanna get the vcd!

i am so annoyed that i cant blog anythg now. FINE! end.

Labels: annoyed

capture that feel
12:50 AM
Sittin alone in the dark livin room at 528am in the morn. Honestly, I am at lost of what to do. Just sittin here in the morn because I have yet to have some shuteye. I feel like a pest, a rat. It is only after my family has went to bed or left for work before I’d sneak out to do whatever I’d like to. To many others I may be like a social buttfly but as I grow over the years, I realized that there is nothing more that I desire for than the personal time alone. I cannot deny that I love the company of others but it is the time alone that I treasure so much. This may be because it is very minimal. I am no longer denyin the fact that I love spending the time alone. Just you, yourself, sittin in a quiet corner. Just thinkin to yourself, ‘talkin’ to yourself inside your head, no pressure, no stress, how blissful. More often than not, many of us are so afraid to be alone, without company. Because we are afraid of other’s looks or are we just too afraid to face ourselves? I learnt to appreciate the beauty of hidin frm the crowd, finding a corner and sittin there alone, enjoyin the breeze, deep in thots. It doesn’t matter evn if you were just thinkin abt nonsense, the feelin’s just great.

Ever tried wantin to give it your all to do something for the person whom you cherish, without askin for any return? What is the feelin like? Satisfaction? Happiness? I guess I have. The feelin of happiness just seeps thru you, the greatest feelin. On top of the looking forward to the person’s expression, perfect.

Like I’ve said before, for a scorpion, I am generally forgetful whn it comes to bearin grudges. I cant stay angry for long and that’s alr a well-known fact but if there is one thg that I will never forget. It is definitely bein cheated on. It doesn’t matter if it was in love or in a friendship. I may forgive but I will never forget, never. Thgs may go back to normal but there will alws be this alarm that keeps goin off to remind me of how I was cheated on. And I wont hesitate to dig up the past. Yet if I am indebted to you, or you’ve been really nice, I would do anythg to make you happy. It goes both ways =)

I am actually in a state of madness seriously. From past few days’ wantin to find my Prince to wantin to get married to current’s not wantin to date till graduation. I am just too fickled minded. I have a gd reason for not wantin to date, don’t I? I just don’t feel like datin till I have a lil achievements to my name and am really ready and almost perfect for it. This way, I am only gd enough for the person I am datin. Mainly cos I really think I needa lose weight. Damn! If only sports can help, I can be really disciplined if it is for sports but the thg’s the more I exercise, the heavier I get, because of the muscle. It turns out that rottin at home’s the best way for me to lose weight, how ironic.

Presently, there is nothing more that I want other than to have my close friends with me. It is only recently that I talked to one of them on msn that I realized I missed them so much.. despite bein really angry with him for some reason before this, I cudnt brin myself to ignore him any longer. For I saw the weakness in him, one that he was tryin to hide. I guess we didn’t grow up tgd but we both have this understandin for each other and it is way cool. It is the ability to receive the most nonsensical sms frm each other and still smile because we are still in each others’ thots and that makes you think that it is great to have a friend like this tho brainless =D
It has been so long since I was able to pen dwn my thots so accurately, esply so in English. Achievement oi! Hoho. It just feels great not needin to care what others think and what they want to read abt but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten abt the issue of the ppl reading my blog. I do knoe that many read but don’t leave a trace. Mayb the blog counter’s a way for me to keep track. I hid my blog for a period of time then because I was unsure of the ppl who read, the way they inferred frm my blog. It scared me a lil but all’s well now cos I don’t blog as much. I usually go online just to watch drama and I’ve totally forgotten how to get out of it.

This entry just feels great.. it must be the time of the day. Will try to put up a pic of me and my black hair soon. Hoho.

I was just thinkin.. I mean, how do we choose between a lover who is datin you only because both of you are supposed to be together and a best friend who loves you?

isnt is obvious whn i pre-typed my entry on microsoft? there are actually capital letters. keke.

Labels: fruits for thots, longg entry

capture that feel
6:16 AM
i am happily and constantly updatin my last post. i just keep addin on what i've posted. hehs. the list like what val says, keep gettin longer but it's okie xP

and bie, nxt time can still call but not too early. today's timin's alright cos i was gon get up anw and i'm still waitin for my long story. my random style of bloggin got copyrights, must pay if you start bloggin like me.

was just tryin to bring my thots across in chinese. i am becomin a cheenapok (or maybe i alws am) and thats why chinese never fails to allow me to express my thots in the most appropriate way.. well, i guess i needa practise my english more often too since i feel a drop in the standard. urgh!

心中有股莫名的感伤

这几天在家里胡思乱想

与其说是胡思乱想

到不如说是认真思考

反反复复想了许多

疯狂程度到了极点

每个小细节都不肯放过

所谓友谊至上

但事实往往并非如此

真诚虽可贵

谎言价更高

若要将心比心

其实是说的容易

做起来是难上加难

友谊是件比玻璃

还脆弱的事物

突如其来的一点挑拨离间

就能换来一点的不信任

能言善道

也能惹来别人的不信任

只有用一颗最真诚的心

才能换来一位难能可贵的知己

Labels: cheena, happykid, real

capture that feel
3:46 PM
we girls alws hoped for Prince Charm to appear but we never take second to ponder if we are 'Princess' enough for our Prince. more often than not, we are also lackin something. maybe we can attempt to change durin this long, long wait.

since this is MY blog, i am sure i can choose to blog abt whatever i'd want to =DD even tho i knoe that there is no definite definition of Prince Charming but after so many romance shows.. this characteristics spell the PERFECT Prince with his lil imperfection. i never took a likin for perfect or seemingly perfect stuff.

how he is like with his friends / the impression his friends have of him:

• strong
• tan, dark
• arrogant at times
• responsible
• borned-leader
• resourceful
• rash
• trustworthy, reliable, dependable
• loyal to friends
• slight violent tendency
• fierce, intimidatin
• focused eyes
• hot-tempered
• kind-natured
• playful

how he is like with me / the impression i shud have of him:

• tall, well-built
• protective
• gentle
• lovin
• carin
• sweet
• attentive
• assurin
• possessive
• fillial
• kiddish
• irritatin
• stubborn
• generous
• gives in
• domineerin
• perfectionist
• gentlemanly
• mcp
• soft-hearted
• dependable
• loves to argue
• funny
• knowledgeable, learned
• engagin
• smile that melts hearts
• tender gaze
• whispers
• only wants the best for me

alright, thats all i can think of now but just lookin at all those that i have listed.. woohoo! i can forget abt gettin datin! but of cos it is alws nice to have hopes, just dont have too high hopes *sniggles.

honestly, local couples datin can only be called relationship.. cos there isnt much romance to start with. well but it MOST couples i am talkin abt. there aint evn romantic relationships to really start with. how sadd. hoho. so technically we cant call them romance. okie, i think i have just typed a whole load of junk.

maybe like what the drama quoted. 因为相信比较幸福

不想要白马王子，要的是黑马王子

Labels: happiness, Prince Charm

capture that feel
1:02 AM
this feels so kiddy talk but it is just a question every girl would have asked at least once? and i just felt like askin after watchin my current drama. the sucky thg's it is still bein played in taiwan, so i cant watch every ep at a go. the wait can kill sometimes... but lucky for me, now i am not that lookin forward cos i dont the fact that another guy got included in their relationship and it's rather abrupt.

i'm startin to think it is not difficult for guys to sing, i mean, you just need to sound normal with your speakin voice. well, at least for most and just make sure you keep your voice within a certain range whn singin, chances of goin off-pitch shud be almost zero, isnt it? just keep your voice low, chances really not there.

i remember tellin somebody i knoe, that his princess is definitely worth the wait. it is not that he cant find his princess but destiny has it that he has to wait to find his other half. what kinda crap am i sayin man. hoho. drama made evrythg so perfect but me and seppie thot that real life is never like that. evrythg seems to be lackin that something, sometimes it is the magical feel, sometimes it is a 'this' or 'that'.

i want my Prince! =( i want that somebody who will make evrythg right. but one thg, it wont be a tp ppl. cos... i dunno, tp ppl just feels wrong...

i needa curb my temper.

where is my Price who'l make everything right?
i want my Prince with character, with a lil attitude, kiddy
irritatin, posessive, jealous easily, engagin and learned,......
there are just so many different characteristics of a Prince.
maybe at least for mine. hoho.
this just makes me feel so happy! *smiles.

Labels: dramas unreal, magic feel, Prince

capture that feel
2:39 AM
i really hate what i am doin now but i really dont have a choice. the pain is not the kind you'd associate with love. if it is maybe it wouldnt be so sucky but it is just the kind that you totally do not want to experience.

all that unhappiness came floodin back again. twas only ytd that i was tellin seppie, i am actually positively happy, or at least not feelin sucky. how fast all these can change. sometimes i just wanna keep typin so that this will not end cos it just feels really gd to be typin, typin and typin.

on a lighter note, i really think i shud alws spend some time thinkin before i do anythg else, slow as it may be but it'l make me feel better. honestly this whole hols i never really spared a thot on how i'd wanna change to become a better person. it may sound cliche but i think it's not a bad idea to alws become better after evry break. thats what breaks are for isnt it?

Labels: breaks, pain, to choose, unhappiness

capture that feel
12:26 AM